What the Dance Floor Owes Me (And What It Doesn’t)
Finding freedom on the dance floor—and friendship somewhere else
A friend of mine, Philip, posed a question on their Instagram stories recently. They asked New Yorkers who wanted to decenter bars and clubs from their social lives: what would that look like? What would feel good?
It was something I’d already been thinking about—not because I want to step away from nightlife, but because it’s such a big part of my social fabric. Nightlife is one of the reasons I’m not ready to leave New York. The variety, the frequency, the thriving house and techno scene—I don’t take any of it for granted. I’ve been to a bar at 2 am on a Saturday and had my pick of three packed parties to go to next. A DJ friend from Chicago was visiting once, and after their gig we were talking through our options for the rest of the night. Their response: “I can’t believe you have this many choices for huge parties, and they’re all going to be packed.” I’ve tried to find this in LA, San Francisco, Miami. It doesn’t exist the same way. Without it, I’m simply bored.
So when Philip asked the question, I had to sit with it. I’ve been showing up to these spaces for years. What have I actually been looking for?
But as I sat with the question, something else emerged. I realized I didn’t need to decenter nightlife at all. I needed to stop asking it to be something it would never be for me—and start honoring what it actually is.