There Is No Excuse to Be Lonely in New York City
How I let the struggle become an excuse to disappear
I left New York in August. It’s February now, and I can count on one hand the number of people who have noticed my absence and reached out.
Eleven years of living in NYC. One hand.
I could tell myself that people are busy, that the city moves fast, that out of sight means out of mind. Maybe it’s that in the digital age, seeing people active on social media provides a sense of connection without actually connecting. But the truth is simpler and harder: I didn’t build what I thought I was building. After more than a decade in New York, I don’t have the friendships or community I want there. And that’s not the city’s fault. It’s mine.
With the exception of one person, all of my best friends are people I met before I moved to New York. The relationships that have actually lasted, the people I trust most, the ones I can be fully myself with—none of them came from my time in NYC.
So why do I stay?
New York offers professional opportunities I can’t find elsewhere. The culture is unmatched. I don’t need a car, which is a major perk for me. And the city is so dynamic that it’s genuinely hard to get bored—actually, it’s inexcusable to get bored.
I’d rather struggle financially in a city that stimulates me than thrive somewhere that bores me to death. That’s a trade-off I’ve made consciously. But somewhere along the way, I let the struggle become an excuse to disappear.