The Traitors US Black Banquet: Ranking Every Look from Worst to Best
Camp, couture, and a few crimes against fashion.
I need to confess something: I watch Traitors US for the fashion almost as much as I watch it for the competition. I look forward to seeing what each contestant wears to the breakfast banquet after someone has been murdered. I look forward to their confessional looks.
I look forward to what they pull out at the round table. I know none of this matters strategically, but I can’t help myself.
This is the third season of Traitors US that I’ve watched. I also just finished Traitors UK Season 2, which has no celebs, and as one would imagine, with a cast of everyday people, it’s severely in fashions. So when Alan Cumming threw a Black Banquet and told the remaining players to camp it up, I knew what I had to do.
I must say, finding their looks was hard. The Traitors US cast should take a page out of the RuPaul’s Drag Race contestants’ book. You know how the Drag Race girls have a full photoshoot for their runway looks, ready to post on IG the day after each episode airs? For some of these contestants, this is the most spotlight they’re going to have for a while. Capitalize on it!
Below you’ll find my ranking. I’ve grouped them into the bottom, safe, and top categories.
THE BOTTOM
14.) Tara Lipinski
A wise woman once said…
I guess Tara didn’t get the memo. She looks… pedestrian. She looks like a teenage retail employee helped her pick an outfit for a Saturday night at the club, circa 2005.
Also, I know they have to do their own hair and makeup on this show, but the 5-for-$1 hair claw is simply unacceptable.
This is why if I were on Traitors, I would need to be a faithful. Because if I were a traitor, it would be difficult for me to murder based on strategy. I would’ve murdered Tara simply for having the audacity to show up like this.
13. Rob Rausch
I didn't watch Love Island until the most recent season, so I had no idea who Rob Rausch was. I first came across him when he gave Caleb Simpson a mildly homoerotic house tour through his trailer in Alabama. I grew up in Atlanta, where everything outside of the city is basically Alabama. I've had my fair share of country boys. After I watched this house tour, I wanted one more. 🤤
Ok. Focus, Tomik! For Rob’s Black Banquet look, I judged it without taking into account how if he asked me to lick his bicep, I would roll my eyes at him, scoff with offense, and then absolutely lick that fucking bicep.
I love the vest! It looks like he got it straight from the wardrobe archive of Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo & Juliet.
If you look closely, his snake tattoos match up perfectly with the hydras near the top of the vest. The belted shoulder straps are really cute detail. And to top me it all off, his back was out!
The thing that kills it for me is those ill-fitting trousers, and those greasy-ass brown boots! I'm sorry, Rob, I'm not going to let you skate by on hotness. This is coloring outside the lines for a straight boy (which they should try more often!), and it's obvious that he can clean up nicely. It would have been so easy for him to hit a home run, but unfortunately, he stopped at second base.
12.) Stephen Colletti
Millennials stand up! I think it’s hilarious that his lower thirds always credit him as Stephen Colletti from One Tree Hill, when the real ones know that this is Stephen Colletti from Laguna Beach! First of his name!
This SoCal, former fuck-boy has aged nicely! While it has been a delight to see him on the small screen again, I can’t say that he’s brought much to the game so far. Narratively, I feel like that’s starting to shift, but that remains to be seen.
Let’s talk about this suit. I’m sure this is the equivalent of getting into drag for a surfer who grew up in a place where flip-flops are considered appropriate footwear for 80% of occasions. The suit is ornate! I actually love the details on the sleeve. It’s the matching shirt that throws it off for me, though. It’s jus too matchy-matchy. Also, the suit’s cut makes him look like he has childbearing hips, which he most certainly does not. Those two details make the entire look a chop for me.
11.) Johnny Weir
<deep sigh> With Johnny, I feel like I’m always scratching my head at his looks. Aside from his energy always feeling like an exhausted matron, the proportions of his garments frequently throw me off. This instance is no different.
The gold and bejeweled bolero/shrug is the only thing I like about his look. His hair would be great if he lived in the Capitol of Panem. I almost get a Party Monster vibe off of him, except the suit portion of his look is more aunty than cunty.
Johnny joins Stephen Colletti in the childbearing hips club, which wouldn’t have looked so bad with more traditional pants. The flowy linen pants look like a purchase he made for someone’s destination beach wedding. And finally, the shoes give me Sporty Spice! It’s all over the place, gurl, pick a struggle!
You know where he would fit, though? Somewhere in this music video.
SAFE
10.) Natalie Anderson
Before I get into the look, there is something that needs to be acknowledged about Natalie. The body is TEA! If she were a Traitor, she could be a mass murderer, because her arms are the entire gun show. And I get it, if I had a body like that, I’d want to show it off and be sexy too, which you can see she’s trying to do in the looks that she wears around the castle. Unfortunately, those looks often miss the mark.
To be fair, Natalie is coming from The Amazing Race and Survivor, shows where your wardrobe is the least of your worries. People who come from franchises like The Real Housewives or Drag Race have significantly more practice pulling off showstoppers for television. So, I’m giving Natalie a bit of grace.
With her Black Banquet look, I can’t tell if she’s getting ready to joust or attend a hoe-down on the lower levels of the Titanic. Yes, this is me giving her grace. I think voluptuous, curly hair would have complemented this look better, along with a statement necklace instead of that lace choker. She also needs some earrings. Luckily, her face card doesn’t decline, but from the neck up, she still looks so plain. I’m rooting for Natalie to shock everyone with an amazing outfit at the reunion.
9.) Colton Underwood
Ever since Michael Rappaport was banished, Colton has taken his place as the villain of the season. This is playing out more online than in the castle, where he behaves like a pack leader, taking up space at the round table as if he were the king. And maybe he believes he is. The pièce de résistance of his Black Banquet look was an exquisitely beautiful crown. The statement piece had a whimsical sensibility that made it look as if it belonged to elven folk or wood nymphs, with bejeweled centaurs galloping across his forehead.
Of the men we’ve seen so far, one thing that gives him an advantage is that he is at least wearing a suit that fits. The double-breasted jacket looked really good on him. I also wasn't mad at the pearl body harness underneath the blazer. It's been done. Every other queer person who attended Jesse Ware's That! Feels Good! Tour in 2023 already wore this. I hated his earring, but a dangly earring is the most accessible accessory for cookie-cutter gays who want to feel a little queer for a night. Overall, A for Effort.
8.) Eric Nam
Eric looked to me like a man who shops at Orttu (not sponsored). There is a sensibility to this blazer that says, I like to be bold, I like to take risks, and I like my clothes to be a reflection of who I am. The brooch is beautiful, although it didn't have the power to kill anyone. I love the buttons on his collared shirt. Eric looks great and sits comfortably in the safe category.
7.) Mark Ballas
Lowkey, something about Mark's outfit looks similar to Natalie's. Like, their ensembles might not be sisters, but they're cousins! The difference is that Mark is wearing his look, while Natalie's look is wearing her. The thing I like about Mark's look is that it dissects each element of men's formal fashion and puts a spin on it. It's not just a sports coat, it's an asymmetrical blazer with a metal mesh sleeve. It's not a standard necktie, it's a pussy-bow. He's not wearing pants, he's wearing a skirt. And it all comes together nicely to tell the same story. A little baroque, a little punk. He's clearly not dipping his toe in these waters; he swims in them regularly, and it shows.
6.) Kristen Kish
Kristen Kish can peg me. There, I said it. GET THE STRAP!
She’s hot, super stylish, and has a sprinkle of masculine energy that carries through in her style as well. Very Jenna Lyons-coded. If I had to describe Kristen’s style this season, I would call it pussy with a little bit of nut.
I think her red ensemble is gorgeous. The ornate top that makes her look like she’s been wheat pasted with rose petals, belted at the waist for a little bit of shape, into a slim red pair of pants that flares from the knee to the floor. And of course, the chiffon cape, which adds an air of drama and regality to this downtown evening cocktail look. Monochrome can be a risk; it doesn’t always translate well, but this one paid off. She looks stunning.
5.) Candiace Dillard Bassett
Candiace’s dress looks like a holiday dress from Express; however, her headpiece demands so much attention that the dress gets a pass. Better yet, I feel like the headpiece, with all of its cascading tendrils, elevates the dress.
The opera gloves add a touch of sex appeal to the killer look. And since every accessory is a statement piece, it would usually be overkill, but the necklace and the snake bangle are perfectly complementary.
Anyone who entered the banquet hall had no choice but to notice Candiace, and might even be inclined to bow down to the Queen Medusa. Heaven knows that Candiace will do her best to petrify Rob before the show is over.
4.) Yamil “Yam Yam” Arocho
First of all, can we have a moment of silence for the life and legacy of Yam Yam. The way he got YANKED!
When Yam Yam appeared on camera, I felt like the instrumental for Jay-Z and UGK’s “Big Pimpin’” should have been playing. He looks like a man who gets a lot of hoes. He looks like he smells good. He looks like he wears his granddaddy’s audacious pinky ring for good luck.
Granted, his look is far from complicated. Immediate inspirations that come to mind are South Beach, Miami, Scarface, Dominique Deverau from Dynasty, and Sesshomaru from Inuyasha.
The intentionally oversized blazer shows a man who knows how to dress for his body type, and the ostrich feather stole really sets everything off. It says, “I own FIFTY-ONE percent of this company!”
TOP
3.) Dorinda Medley
The two biggest influences that come to mind for this look are the Queen of Hearts and Jafar. We love an ol’ nasty villain.
Also, we have another pair of outfits that aren’t sisters but are cousins. If I put Kristen’s look into an AI image generator and told it to give me the Broadway version, it would give you Dorinda Medley’s look. I personally like Kristen’s look better, but for the purpose of this banquet, I think Dorinda understood the assignment. She dragged it up! Everything outside of her hat and shoes is shiny. The floral brooch is exaggerated. The veiled headpiece adds a bit of mystery. Dorinda’s look says, “Off with their head!”
2.) Maura Higgins
Maura Higgins is what Melania Trump thinks she looks like. Maura has been the best-dressed person on this show all season. Hands down.
Her Black Banquet look takes the concept of a little black dress to an entirely different dimension—one we should feel privileged to witness. The molten gold corset is sculptural, almost armor-like, and the structured hat turns the whole thing into something editorial. Is she a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare? That remains to be seen.
Sometimes I look at Maura and wish she actually behaved like ‘90s Naomi Campbell. Give us the nightmare supermodel who, as Linda Evangelista once said, doesn’t get out of bed for less than $10,000. We love that era! But she could walk out of the banquet and straight onto someone’s runway, and that’s more than enough.
Also, let’s not sleep on the pose. Scroll back and observe how some people just don’t know what to do in front of a camera. Maura knows her angles and is serving. This is a Maura stan account.
1.) Lisa Fuckin’ Rinna
Taking the top spot is none other than the legend, the icon, Lisa Fuckin’ Rinna! And I would hope so. The woman has been on tv for forty years! She is practiced! Not only did she bring the camp, but she also brought the drama, the attitude, the Traitors Black Banquet energy! It made complete sense to me when the show gave her the ultimate entrance, because who else could pull it off?
The look is a collision of Victorian bustle gown and sailor uniform. The navy color, crisp white trim, and sharp, squared-off collar give it military precision, while the corseted waist, tiered ruffles, and exaggerated hips evoke the late 19th century. Then there are those puff sleeves — extreme, sculptural, and completely theatrical. It’s not a costume, though. It’s high fashion that dramatizes historical dress rather than replicating it. The whole thing feels as big and unapologetic as Lisa’s personality, which is exactly the point.
Lisa Rinna understood that a Black Banquet in a Scottish castle is not the time for restraint. It’s the time to show up like you’re about to overthrow a monarchy, and that’s exactly what she did.
Now, if the rest of the cast could start posting their looks on Instagram like the Drag Race girls do, that would make my job a lot easier. Until then, I’ll be here — squinting at blurry screenshots, zooming in on shoes, and judging accordingly.
And if anyone from casting is reading this — I’m available for Season 4. Faithful only, though. I’d murder based on outfits, and that’s not a strategy.